Getting an Apology

Dear Leo,

Four weeks ago, you were born. Four weeks ago, you died. 

I was at work that day and when I started noticing that something was wrong, I went to a clinic that is attached to my office. I went there because that was the closest doctor/nurse office. I went there, because it made sense to me to go a healthcare institution. I went there because I thought they could help me. 

When I got there, told the receptionist that I was 23 weeks pregnant, bleeding and in pain. All she told me was "sorry, I can't accept you in because you're not a member. You should go to a hospital." Mind you I was crying because I was in pain and scared. And still, she didn't do a thing to help me. The only acceptable explanation for her actions (or lack thereof) is that she didn't have a heart. 

It's been 4 weeks since all this happened and although I'm not angry anymore, I felt like I needed to tell her that I wish she had behaved differently. I wish she had called me a taxi or an ambulance. I wish she had given me a glass of water and said "everything will be OK. We will help you."

Today, I went back in there to talk to her. As I was walking up the stairs, I almost turned around. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it really needed  to be done.  I don't really remember who she was or what she looked like. So I approached one of the receptionists who was there and explained to her what happened. This wasn't a complaint. It was a wish. I just want to make sure that in the future, they help whomever walks through their doors. Isn't that a fair thing to ask of a human being?  

The receptionist listened to me and I could tell that she was truly sorry. She asked me if I wanted to speak to the  manager and I said no. I thought I could talk to her without crying, but I couldn't help it. Saying the words "my baby died" always gets me. I'm glad that she wasn't defensive and that she didn't get mad. She just listened to me, and that's what I needed. I needed someone to listen and say "I'm sorry" and that's what she did. 

I too, dear Leo, am sorry. I shouldn't have even gone there. I should have called an ambulance as soon as I started feeling pain. I shouldn't have waited. There are so many things I would have done differently, but the truth is, I don't know if any of those things would have changed the outcome. I'll never know.