Your First Picture

I went to get my first ultrasound yesterday. I had to come in with a full blader, that means with 3 glasses of water in me. That alone was a feat.

The nurse put a warm gel on my belly and I saw you for the first time. You look a little like a peanut right now. You're about 1 cm long. That's it, just 1 cm. I saw your heat beat, which was really cool. The nurse said your heart rate was 130bpm. That's fastest than my heart.

The next part was a little weird. She had to go through my vagina to get a clearer picture of you. I could see everything on the screen. We looked at you from all kinds of angles and the nurse took a bunch of measurements.

I thought I was at 6 weeks and 6 days, but apparently, you are 2 days older. As of today, you're 7 weeks and 2 days old.

I was mostly relieved that you're still in me. I haven't felt many symptoms other than tiredness (I know, it's a good thing). And with all the spotting, I was worried that something might be wrong. But, you're exactly the size you should be. Your heart is beating, so I'm happy.

This Saturday, your dad and I are going to a little session/workshop at the hospital where we are going to learn about this thing we got ourselves into. I have no idea what to expect, but I'm looking forward to it.

Your dad has been wondering if it's a good idea to keep this a secret from his parents and wait until they are here in August. He really wants to tell them and hear all the advice they might have for me; well, for us. We haven't decided what to do yet.

My mother will be here in about 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to sharing the news with her and showing her your picture.

Oh, well, here it is. This is you right here.

Baby at 7 weeks and 1 day. 1 cm long

Not Sharing is Hard

I've been waiting for week 7. I don't really have a reason, I just want the weeks to go by fast. It's been hard to keep the secret and I can't wait to share the news with everyone.

I went to a brunch place with friends over the weekend and had to softly ask the waiter to make sure my eggs were not runny.  I realize now that I forgot to ask what kind of cheese was in my eggs. I really hope it was pasteurized. It's been a little hard for me to remember all the things I have to watch out for now, especially since I've always eaten everything and often, without even knowing what I'm eating!

We had one of my husband's friend stay over with us for a few days. We bought him some cold cuts and he asked me how come I wasn't having any. I gotta keep coming up with lies really quickly and it's not always easy. I said that I was trying to cut fatty foods out of my diet. I think he bought it!

My friends are taking about a 100km bike ride coming up in a few months. They are really trying to convince me to join them and I keep saying "we'll see". I'll probably be 6 months pregnant by then and it's probably not a good idea for me to do a 100k bike ride, but I can't really tell them why.

Tomorrow, is the big day. I'm going to the doctor to have my first ultrasound and see if you're ok.

I'm relieved because I haven't bled (or spotted) since Sunday. It's been 3 full days! I have been taking it easy - ie no exercises...I hope things remain the same after I start working out. Also, I've started noticing some changes. This morning I noticed that my areolas are larger in circumference, which is also a sign of pregnancy! Yay! And I've had some queasiness in the morning, but it only lasts about 1 minute. I hope it stays that way and doesn't get worst!

Oh! Yesterday I watched a documentary about pregnancy and saw a woman giving birth. I could see everything. Wow, the human body (the woman body) is amazing but oh gosh! I don't know if I can do that. I look forward to having my baby in my arms but don't look forward to the delivery. That is scary! It actually freaked me out a little...I don't know if it was a good idea to watch that documentary!

Today, we got some great news. Your dad was published in a tech magazine and got accepted into a reputable startup program. This year is looking great so far! Also, I'm starting my new job on Monday. I am a little worried about having to tell my new bosses 2 months into the job that I'm pregnant, but hey, that's life right?  I just hope they have a good maternity leave because I really don't think I can take only 12 weeks off....well, we've got time.

One last thing! A few weeks ago, even before I knew I was pregnant, your paternal grandma (your appama) told me that she had a dream that I was sitting on some stairs with my husband and that a 7 year old girl came running to us. It was our daughter. My husband has been saying that he has a feeling that the baby is a girl. I don't have any clue or gut feeling yet, but these seem to be signs that the baby might be a girl and I'm ok with that! :) I don't think we'll find out the sex though before delivery, so this mystery will only be solved in February!

Week 6: Petit Poix (Green Pea)

Well, it's officially week 6. You are now the size of a pea.

I started reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" to learn more about this adventure we're on. I have to say that it's a little scary to read about all the things that can go wrong and all the pregnancy symptoms I might soon start feeling.

But mostly, I'm scared to lose you. I have been bleeding on and off since last Sunday (5 days now). I went into the doctor yesterday for a blood test to check if my hCG levels were where they should be. Yeah, hCG...that's a new word in my vocabulary. It stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (what a mouthful). It basically is a hormone produced by the placenta and it indicates pregnancy.

This morning, the nurse from the hospital called me and said that my levels are where they are expected to be at 6 months. My question then was: "does it definitely mean I didn't have a miscarriage?". She couldn't really answer that...but on Wednesday, I'm going for my first ultrasound to make sure everything is ok with you. I'm excited and scared. In the meantime, the nurse told me not to be active, rest and drink lots of water. She also told me to practice vaginal rest. WHAT? Well, basically, that means not using tampons, no sexual relations and no physical activity for 24 hours after the bleeding stops.

I'm not feeling many symptoms yet, other than crying often for no reason, be it while singing at church or while watching TV. But so far, I've got no morning sickness (knock on wood) and no other discomforts.

This is you at 6 weeks - as small as a pea

We haven't yet told your grandparents nor your aunt and uncle about your existence. Your maternal grandma is coming to visit un in mid-July (in about 3 weeks) and we wanted to tell her in person. She'll be the first one we tell. Then, your paternal grandparents are coming in early August and we will be telling them in person too. It's been hard to keep the secret, but I really really want to see their excitement and have them near and hug them when they hear the news. They'll be so happy. Neither set of grandparents have been grandparents before, so this is a big step for them too.

I've already got it all planned. Your dad and I plan on taking a walk with my mom and we'll ask a stranger to take a picture of us while we're breaking the news to her. We'll have her expressions and reactions and we'll be able to share that with you one day. We'll probably do the same with your paternal grandparents as well. I'm so excited!!!

Then, for the rest of our family, I was thinking of making custom fortune cookies with messages like "a new bundle of joy is arriving" or "a child will bless this family". And then just have people call us when they eat their first fortune cookie....because that is what you are: our fortune.

I'm getting emotional just typing these words. I can't wait to meet you.


You mom

Teary, Teary Eye

Wow, I am super emotional. I read about mood swings, but didn't know it would happen so quickly.

On Sunday, literally 3 days after finding out I was pregnant, I went to church. I felt I needed to thank the heavens for making this happen. During the service, a little girl was being baptized. Oh man, I started thinking about my own child's baptism and then TEARS. Later, I was just signing along with the choir and then TEARS. I knelt down to pray and TEARS. It was honestly a little embarrassing. I was trying to hide it - I looked like a mess. It makes me laugh now, but thinking back, I just couldn't hold it together.

Then, on Wednesday, like every other Wednesday, I went to my volleyball game. One again, I was the only girl there. I don't really mind that, since I think I can take the guys, no problem. But that night, they were really bugging me. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I was just easily frustrated because of the hormones or if I really had a good reason....they kept coming into my section, bumping into me, when it was clearly MY ball...and then when I told one of the guys "when i'm playing net, I'll get the ball" he said "but how will you spike" (the net is set at guy's height, which is way higher than girls' height....also, the guys that I play with are huge spikers, but not necessarily good spikers as 50% of the time the ball goes out of bounds). So I told this guy "well, I don't have to spike. I can just make sure the ball goes on the other side of the net. That's a possibility, isn't it?". I know I was being a jerk, but I hate it when they dont' let me play. I think I'm just as good as them. Of course, we all have our strengths and weaknesses but overall, I think we average to the same skill level. Anyway, after this little talk, I thought the game would be better, but it didn't. I played a whole game and I think I touched the ball maybe 5 times (not counting the times I served) because they kept coming into my space. I was soooo frustrated! So frustrated that I felt the tears coming up. I didn't want to risk being even more mad and worse: crying in front of all the other players. So after the 2nd game, I said goodnight and decided to run at the gym, in order to get my workout in.

I never got this mad at a volleyball game before. I'm actually wondering now if it was warranted. Was it hormones? 

Spotting

On Sunday, exactly 3 days after my at home pregnancy test, I noticed some spotting on my underwear...I did a quick google search and read that it's common but it some cases, it's a sign of miscarriage. Oh no! I cannot have this happen to me. So I called my obgyn's office and a doctor told me not to worry, that it's normal. As long as I'm not having severe cramps, I'm fine.

But, Monday it happened again. Tuesday, nothing happened. Wednesday, I noticed a little more  blood, but it was brown - kinda what you get at the very end of a period. So, I called the doctor again. She asked me to go in on Thursday to do a blood test and then to come in on Saturday again to be tested. If my levels (of what? I don't know) go up, it means I'm more pregnant.

So i went in today for my first blood test. I'm pretty worried. I am so worried about how I'll feel if I find out that my first pregnancy ended up in a miscarriage. I know many women have gone through that...in fact, it seems pretty common; 20% or so of women have a miscarriage in their first trimester. But it must be though...and then you've gotta wait a few months before you start trying again.

I'm trying not to worry too much...there's a spanish expression that goes something like this "don't open your umbrella before the rain". I keep repeating that to myself.

Just to Be Sure & Sesame Seed

On Friday, June 14th, I headed to my family doctor and told her I thought I was pregnant. She said that the home pregnancy tests are pretty accurate, but that we could do a blood test to make sure. I said "YES" to that.

She was so happy for me. We had talked about me getting pregnant before and she had me started on prenatal vitamins. Every time I went back, I asked a few more questions about it. But now, there I was, pregnant and all. At this point, I gotta be honest, I was a little nervous. So I started firing questions: what kinds of exercises can I keep doing? Can I still run, do yoga, and cross-fit? How about volleyball?  What shouldn't I eat? What should I do between now and my first appointment with the OBGYN? Does it hurt the baby that I drank 5 glasses of wine last week when I was visiting my family?

Having had 2 kids recently, I'm pretty sure she understood my worries...so first she told me to calm down. Apparently, the drinking shouldn't be a problem, I can keep working out as long as I don't try to improve (don't run further/faster, don't lift heavier weights, don't do things I haven't done before).

Oh and the real surprise is that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I just found out I was pregnant? How could it already be 5 weeks? That means I'm going to have a child in my arms in 8 months? That's 1 less month to prepare!!!

Apparently, the counting begins on the first day of your last period. It doesn't make much sense to me, since I was clearly not pregnant on the first day of my last period. Wow, how come I didn't know about this?

So, I went home, bought a copy of the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting"  on my Kindle and started reading. Apparently, my little munchkin is the size of a sesame seed right now. That's so small.

Surprised & Freaked Out

Thursday, June 13th...that's when it happened. I was already 4 days late on my period and didn't want to take the pregnancy test too early.

Last month, I was a little late and thought I might be pregnant. I took the test and it was negative. I was so heartbroken. I actually couldn't really understand why. I even cried. I know these things take time, but I was just so sure that it had happend to us on the first month we tried. The doctor did tell me that for some couples it takes months, sometimes even a year. Wow, 1 year. I couldn't even cope with my first negative pregnancy test...I wasn't too sure I could deal with 11 more.

Luckily, I didn't have to. On June 13, after work, I decided it was time to pee on the stick...so I did it. I left it in the restroom while it did it's thing and walked around the house a little. It takes 3 minutes to find out. I went back into the restroom and there it was! I got one of those digital pregnancy tests to be absolutely sure - I didn't want to have to interpret two pink lines (is it two? Is it one?). This one said loud and clear: PREGNANT. I did a little skip and dance in the washroom, holding the stick I had just peed on. I couldn't believe it. I went back to the living room, sat on the couch and though "Holy shit, I'm pregnant". And then I though "I'm going to have to stop saying holy shit". And then, I got nervous. Am I ready for this? There's a human being growing inside of me!


Just to be sure, I waited 2 hours and took another test. It came out positive again. So I called the doctor and schedule an appointment. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I know I shouldn't drink alcohol or eat unpasturized cheese...but other than that, what am I supposed to do or not do for the next 9 months? So, my appointment got scheduled for the next day. I couldn't wait.

I was pretty excited and couldn't wait to tell my husband. He was working late and I was getting pretty impatient. Finally he comes in and I say "I think I've got a fever, look at this thermometer". He was confused and said "you're pregnant!". It was the funniest thing. He then said "Congratulations" and I said "Congratulations to you!". And of course, then we both started worrying. But we have 9 months to prepare...so BREATHE!