Maternity Laws - What Laws?

I’m almost 16 weeks now and I haven’t told my work yet. I’ve been reading up on the maternity laws…or should I say, lack thereof?

I might have mentioned this before, but I’m originally from Canada. Over there, working women get 1 year off, with 60-75% of their pay. Some women I know, extended that to 18 months, because they felt it was too soon to leave their babies at a daycare.

Now, I’m reading the US laws and the FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) says that women are entitled to take a leave of maximum 12 weeks and be guaranteed to have their job back IF they have been working at the same company for at least 12 months.  That’s right! I accepted this new job before I was pregnant. When I started, I was already a few weeks pregnant. Now, because I was conscious of making a positive move in my career, I’m penalized. Because I would have been here for only 7 months by the time I take a leave, I am not entitled to ANYTHING. No guarantee of having my job back, no 12 weeks leave…nothing.

My company is a little generous I suppose. They offer 50% of your salary for your first 4 weeks off if you’ve been at the company for 1-3 years. If you’ve been here for 6+ years, you get 50% of your salary for the full 12 weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait 6 years before having a second child.

I was also told by the HR that the sick days that I would have accumulated by then (about 15 sick days) can only be used if I’m eligible for FMLA. Ie, if I had been in the company for a year, they would have paid 100% of my wages for those 15 days. Bummer. I was also told I can take my vacation days…but since my vacation days don’t roll over, by February, I’ll only have 2 vacation days.

Now, what should I do? I plan on asking my company to treat me as if I had been here for 1 year – that is, give me 12 weeks of leave and pay 50% of the first 4 weeks. I don’t know what they’ll say to that. If that doesn’t work, I can take an unpaid leave. Or, I can take a medical leave (which will be 6 weeks if I have a vaginal birth, 8 weeks for C-section), come back to work, wait until I completed 1  year and take my FMLA leave then.

I feel so frustrated about these laws. I know a lot of people say that your company nor the government should be responsible for your reproductive needs but this is how I feel. I’m adding a new US citizen to this country. He/she will be a productive part of society. If all women decided to stop having kids, what would be the future of this nation? Women are needed, babies are needed! Why not help women a little? I mean, we already have to deal with discrimination (some employers don’t hire women who they think might get pregnant). I also feel like people at work will treat me differently as soon as they find out I’m pregnant. They’ll probably see my leave as a huge hassle. I’m nervous to tell them because I’ve heard comments like “oh, this client is ALWAYS pregnant”. “this client is VERY pregnant”.

A child’s first year of life is so important. I don’t want to put that in the hands of daycare workers. On top of all that, my husband is now working on starting his own venture, which means I’m the only breadwinner…added stress!

More Announcements to Friends and Family

I haven’t written in a while. My new job is keeping me busy and by the time I get home, I’m so tired! Now that my mother and my in-laws have left, I’m back to doing a lot of the normal house chores. I was lucky that my guests helped me so much. It’s a little hard to get back to my normal responsibilities.

This past Saturday I went for my blood test, which is the 2^nd part of the sequential test (test to determine if there are any chromosomes abnormality with the baby).  We should hear back on Tuesday. The doc told me that if everything is ok, the nurse will call. If there’s anything to be concerned about, my doc will call. I’m hoping to hear the nurse’s voice!

Two weekends ago, I invited my closest Seattle friends to have brunch at one of our favorite brunch places. I asked the waitress to hand out the fortune cookies I  had prepared  whenever she was handing out the bill. It was a funny event. The fortune cookies said “a new bundle of joy is arriving soon” and some said “good things come in small packages.” Our friends, 2 couples, read the messages and started freaking out a little. Of course, they thought this was THEIR fortune. I didn’t see that coming! Then, I told them “the fortune cookies are from us.” They were still a little confused, so I had no choice but to blurt out “I’m pregnant”. Their reaction was fun. Just pure happiness. It was really great.

When my mom was here, I gave her some fortune cookies to give to my uncles and their families. She has given it to them, but they have not opened it yet. I don’t know if they will. I’m starting to think that maybe that the fortune cookie announcement wasn’t such a great idea. I’ll call them in a week and ask them to open it.

We’ve also video chatted with a few family members on my husband’s side of the family and announced the news. Since we’re so far from everyone, it’s great to be able to see their faces and their reactions. It’s been fun telling people. I started wondering, what is it about pregnancy that makes others so happy for you? Are they happy that you will finally discover the joys of parenthood? What about those who are not parents yet? Why are they so happy?  I’m not complaining of course, I’m just wondering. 

Heartbeats, Announcements & Ultrasound

It’s been a little while since I wrote a post. My mother came to visit for 2 weeks and now my in-laws are here for another 2 weeks. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks and a lot has happened.

I did some research online on the best way to break the news to loved ones. I liked one suggestion, which was to ask someone to take non-stop pictures while you’re announcing your pregnancy so that you have a series of pictures depicting people’s reactions and emotions. So, I decided to do that, but to go one step further and also ask someone to record it on video.

 

Announcing to your maternal grandma

So, on my mother’s second day here, we took her to a beautiful spot in Seattle. It’s a lookout and you can see the lake, the city, the Space Needle…it’s the spot from where all postcard shots are taken. My husband gave someone our camera and gave someone else his iPhone (for the video recording). He told them that we’re making an announcement and we wanted to capture it. I’m so glad we did! At the moment, when you break the news, it’s hard to be aware of everything. It just goes by so quickly. But when I looked at the pictures, I could really see my mom’s surprise, excitement, tears. It was great. The video too is amazing. I’ve watched it several times already.

Announcing to your paternal grandparents

We did the same with my in-laws. We took them to a different location and got 2 people to help us out (one for the picture, one for the video). Those pictures too were amazing. The video was nice, but I wish we had told the person to come a little closer so that we could have heard everything. But anyway, it’s really precious to be able to look back at all that.

We announced to my dad over Google Hangouts and recorded that too. We did that with my brother-in-law as well. Now, I just need to tell my sister, who apparently is too busy to video chat with me for 10 mins.

During my mom’s visit, at about 12 weeks, we all (mom, husband and I) went to the doctor to hear the baby’s heartbeat. It’s sooooo fast. I was relieved that we could hear it, because I still don’t feel pregnant…so any reassurance that there’s actually a baby in there makes me happy. I’m still not feeling nauseous and I’m not as tired as I was before. I also haven’t gained any weight (on the scale) but can see my belly protruding a little.

This morning, I went to the doctor’s office again. This time, for an ultrasound that would detect if our baby might have any chromosome abnormalities (down syndrome, etc.). It’s part 1 of a two-part test.  They also drew a blood sample from my arm. I’ll know in a week what our chances are. I’m not too worried though.

The nicest part though about today’s visit was actually seeing the baby. The first time (at week 6), all I could see was a little cocoon that didn't look anything like a human. But today, I could see the baby’s 2 legs, 2 arms, fingers, face, brain, spine…wow it already is a little person!!!

I’m officially on my second trimester. It’s now ok to start telling people. Ideally, I’d like to tell my sister before I tell others…I hope that will happen this weekend.