Broken World

Dear Leo,

I sometime feel like I'm a spectator to life. The world continues to go on. People around me are living their lives, smiling, laughing, enjoying it. My world is different though. My world is bleeding, crying and trying to survive. My world is gasping for air, feeling weak at the knees, trying to hold it together. 

People around me know that my world has collapsed. They know that it's trying to rebuild itself. But no one cares. At first, a few people asked me how I was. Not everyone...no, not everyone. People are afraid to say something, to talk to me...as if what I have is contagious. Or perhaps they are afraid to upset me or afraid to see me crying in front of them. They would be uncomfortable if that were to happen. They don't want to feel uncomfortable. Well, who the heck cares if they are uncomfortable? Uncomfortable is nothing compared to what I'm going through. NOTHING! 

Well, it's almost been 4 weeks since my world fell apart...but to the others, I should probably be over it already. Few people ask me how I am now. At first, you get a lot of support and then, nothing. Do they really think that it's that easy? Do they think I can just snap out of this? Don't they know that this is not like having the flu...I can't just recuperate, heal, pretend it never happened. No! This is real, this is deep, this in inconsolable. 

I do put on a strong face though. I pretend to be part of their world, so that I can feel like I belong....so that they are not uncomfortable. But often, I retrieve to my little broken world. It's a painful place, but it's comforting and it's my world. I can be my true self there; I can fall, I can cry, I can be angry. No one there tells me to be strong, no one tells me that things will be ok. Because the reality is, things will never be ok. A world without you Leo, will never be ok.