Dear Leo,
On Friday, I went to the clinic. It was my first checkup since the delivery. The good news is that everything is good with me, physically that is. My cervix is close and my uterus is back to normal. I'm feeling good and recovering normally.
The hospital did a pathology on the placenta, just to test if there was something wrong with you. They found that there was a 'late infection'. The doctor said that the placenta probably got infected during or after the delivery. We would worry if the diagnostic was 'chronic infection'. I'm glad nothing was wrong with you. I knew this wasn't your fault. It was mine...I bet you would have stayed in my uterus for much longer if my cervix wasn't incompetent.
Your dad came to the doctor with me. We asked her a lot of questions about my recovery, about 'cervix incompetency' and about getting pregnant again. I will need to be followed by a high-risk OBGYN from now on. Unfortunately, a lot of our questions have no answer...which is frustrating. No answers means there's nothing I can do and if I can't do anything, I don't have control....and if I have no control, I feel helpless. How do I ensure this doesn't happen again?
On Sunday, I went to mass. For some reason, I always end up crying there. I think mass is the only place that forces me to sit down and just be. No cell phones, no tv, no computer...just me and my thoughts. That can be scary at times, believe me. This Sunday, I was sitting in the 3rd row and signing along to this beautiful religious song, when suddenly, the sun shone in through the stained glass windows and onto my face. I looked around and only I had the sun on me...no one else. I took that as a sign. I don't know if it was you Leo or God shining light on me, letting me know that things will be ok...that I will soon be out of the darkness.
After mass, I talked to one of the church's volunteer and she promised to connect me with the priest, so that we can talk about you. Today, I got an email from the priest. I am trying to find ways to make me feel better, so I'm trying everything. From going to mass, talking to the priest, going to support groups (first one will be this week), talking to friends....etc. I am a little worried about meeting with the priest though. Will he make me feel better? Will he tell me that God had better plans for you and that you're in a better place? Because that does not help me at all. Your place is here. There is no better place for you than in my arms.
On Friday, I went to the clinic. It was my first checkup since the delivery. The good news is that everything is good with me, physically that is. My cervix is close and my uterus is back to normal. I'm feeling good and recovering normally.
The hospital did a pathology on the placenta, just to test if there was something wrong with you. They found that there was a 'late infection'. The doctor said that the placenta probably got infected during or after the delivery. We would worry if the diagnostic was 'chronic infection'. I'm glad nothing was wrong with you. I knew this wasn't your fault. It was mine...I bet you would have stayed in my uterus for much longer if my cervix wasn't incompetent.
Your dad came to the doctor with me. We asked her a lot of questions about my recovery, about 'cervix incompetency' and about getting pregnant again. I will need to be followed by a high-risk OBGYN from now on. Unfortunately, a lot of our questions have no answer...which is frustrating. No answers means there's nothing I can do and if I can't do anything, I don't have control....and if I have no control, I feel helpless. How do I ensure this doesn't happen again?
On Sunday, I went to mass. For some reason, I always end up crying there. I think mass is the only place that forces me to sit down and just be. No cell phones, no tv, no computer...just me and my thoughts. That can be scary at times, believe me. This Sunday, I was sitting in the 3rd row and signing along to this beautiful religious song, when suddenly, the sun shone in through the stained glass windows and onto my face. I looked around and only I had the sun on me...no one else. I took that as a sign. I don't know if it was you Leo or God shining light on me, letting me know that things will be ok...that I will soon be out of the darkness.
After mass, I talked to one of the church's volunteer and she promised to connect me with the priest, so that we can talk about you. Today, I got an email from the priest. I am trying to find ways to make me feel better, so I'm trying everything. From going to mass, talking to the priest, going to support groups (first one will be this week), talking to friends....etc. I am a little worried about meeting with the priest though. Will he make me feel better? Will he tell me that God had better plans for you and that you're in a better place? Because that does not help me at all. Your place is here. There is no better place for you than in my arms.
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