Sometimes I think I'm doing so well, especially when I compare myself to other grieving moms. I don't have a hard time seeing babies or pregant women. I don't mind being around kids.
But lately, it's been tougher. I wake up and remember that you're dead. I can't focus at work and that is hurting my performance. It's a struggle to go to work everyday. I count the days to the weekend. I get anxiety on Sunday evenings thinking about Monday. I just go through the motions: get ready, jump on the bus, read emails, write reports, leave work and stress out at the though of doing it all again the next day. So many times this past week I ran to the restroom to cry because the pain of losing you is still so real. I would love to just walk away from it all and spend my time focusing on myself.
Plus, I'm so discouraged lately regarding getting pregnant again. I took a pregancy test yesterday. It's a little too early, I know...but it was negative, again. I was so convinced that I was pregnant. I was feeling some symptoms. I was so sure this time would be it. So sure.
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