How do I respond to people who tell me "don't worry, you'll have more babies"? I know they are trying to be encouraging, trying to be comforting, trying to be nice. I know they don't realize that, instead of helping, they're hurting me, they're angering me, they're devaluing your life.
What do I say to this? I've tried to respond and I must admit that sometimes, my response is not exactly kind. I'm struggling. How do I tell them that you are not replaceable? How do I tell them that no one, not even another baby, will make things better? No one will ever be you, replace you or make me forget you.
It is so strange to me. When you lose a spouse, no one says "don't worry, you can re-marry" When you lose a 10 year old child, no one will dare say "you can have another kid". People don't even say that about pets...imagine: "sorry your dog died; you can buy another one right?" No one says that.
What is it about babies that make people think that a new baby can replace the one that died? Is it because their lives were so short? Do they believe their existences are insignificant?
Perhaps, if I had not gone through this loss, I would have said that too. But here's something I learned on October 22, 2013: the love you feel for your child is immense and unconditional. I didn't expect to fall so deeply in love with Leo right at the moment I held him and I didn't expect this love to grow even after he left us. My love for Leo is what makes him irreplaceable. I could never love anyone the way I love him.
Beautifully stated. I've been working on a post with similar questions. It makes no sense to me that people say these things. Well, I guess I sort of get it--people just don't know how to act and have the best intentions. It doesn't make it any easier to hear these comments.
ReplyDeleteI think that you tell anyone who says that just what you wrote above--you cannot replace your Leo just like anyone who loses a child cannot replace that child. Ever.
Hugs!!
Thanks Samantha. :)
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