Dear Leo,
It's strange to think that 4 months have already passed by since you were born. To me, it already seems like a lifetime. The past few months have, without a doubt, been the toughest months of my life. Maybe that is why it seems like so much time has gone by. When you're having a good time, time seems to fly by. When things are tough, everything slows down, every molehill seems like a mountain, every second without you seems like years.
When you died, I was only 23 weeks. I kept keeping track of my 'would be pregnancy'. Every week I would tell myself "I would have been 30 weeks", "I would have been 36 weeks", and so on. I missed having you in my belly. I felt sad for not being able to experience what most pregnant women do: feeling you doing somersaults, feeling your hiccups, knowing when you're sleeping and when you're awake. I did that until about 40 weeks. But now that your due date has passed, I feel sad for what would have been. For example, if you were here right now, I would probably be watching you sleep, I would probably be taking millions of pictures of you, but be too busy or too tired to post any of them.
Yesterday, someone told me that they loved the picture I posted of you on Facebook. That made me so happy. Most people look at your picture and just feel sad or sorry for me. When they see you, they see what I've lost. So it was nice to hear someone say that you looked so cute - it's nice to hear someone acknowledge your existence rather than your lost.
I wish you were here.
It's strange to think that 4 months have already passed by since you were born. To me, it already seems like a lifetime. The past few months have, without a doubt, been the toughest months of my life. Maybe that is why it seems like so much time has gone by. When you're having a good time, time seems to fly by. When things are tough, everything slows down, every molehill seems like a mountain, every second without you seems like years.
When you died, I was only 23 weeks. I kept keeping track of my 'would be pregnancy'. Every week I would tell myself "I would have been 30 weeks", "I would have been 36 weeks", and so on. I missed having you in my belly. I felt sad for not being able to experience what most pregnant women do: feeling you doing somersaults, feeling your hiccups, knowing when you're sleeping and when you're awake. I did that until about 40 weeks. But now that your due date has passed, I feel sad for what would have been. For example, if you were here right now, I would probably be watching you sleep, I would probably be taking millions of pictures of you, but be too busy or too tired to post any of them.
Yesterday, someone told me that they loved the picture I posted of you on Facebook. That made me so happy. Most people look at your picture and just feel sad or sorry for me. When they see you, they see what I've lost. So it was nice to hear someone say that you looked so cute - it's nice to hear someone acknowledge your existence rather than your lost.
I wish you were here.
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