This video has been going around social media. Take a look.
It's really beautiful and of course, makes all of us think about our moms. But the first thought I had was how much I would like to have this job right now. If everything had gone as planned, Leo would have been born on Feb 13, 2014 and would be 2 months old now. All I can do is imagine how he would have been, what it would have been like to be a real mother to him.
The video is a reminder of mother's day and how important it is to show your mom how much you appreciate her. I'm getting a little anxious about it though. May 11, 2014 is going to be my first Mother's Day. I'm mentally preparing myself for seeing pictures of all my mommy friends get pampered and loved by their kids. What should I do? How do I celebrate this day? I did give birth, I do have a son, but he is not here. I love him so much, but I'm not really being a mother to him. In fact, he's gone because my body didn't work as it should have, he's gone because of me. Should I even celebrate this day? I couldn't even bring him to this world safely....I couldn't even do that right! Do I deserve to even be called a mother?
It's really beautiful and of course, makes all of us think about our moms. But the first thought I had was how much I would like to have this job right now. If everything had gone as planned, Leo would have been born on Feb 13, 2014 and would be 2 months old now. All I can do is imagine how he would have been, what it would have been like to be a real mother to him.
The video is a reminder of mother's day and how important it is to show your mom how much you appreciate her. I'm getting a little anxious about it though. May 11, 2014 is going to be my first Mother's Day. I'm mentally preparing myself for seeing pictures of all my mommy friends get pampered and loved by their kids. What should I do? How do I celebrate this day? I did give birth, I do have a son, but he is not here. I love him so much, but I'm not really being a mother to him. In fact, he's gone because my body didn't work as it should have, he's gone because of me. Should I even celebrate this day? I couldn't even bring him to this world safely....I couldn't even do that right! Do I deserve to even be called a mother?
Yes, you do deserve to be called a mother. I don't say this without thought...I lost twin babies so I have an idea of what you're feeling. I too think why couldn't my body have protected them. But, as I read your entry, I know without a doubt that you are a mother. You did everything you could for Leo. You didn't have control over your body...mothers often don't have control over things. It's what a women does, I think, during those times that makes you a mother. You loved Leo, held him and continue to remember him. I believe you're a mother. I think maybe I am too...
ReplyDeleteHi S, thank you for your comment. I think you're right. We're both mothers - it's just not how we had envisioned it. :( I'm really sorry about the loss of your twins S.
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ReplyDeleteI figured out what the video was about before I hit play... I can't bring myself to watch it. I just know that I'll probably cry. It just reminds me of being pregnant last mothers day and hearing my mom excitedly tell a family friend how there will be "another mother next mother's day". You definitely are a mother, without a doubt. Never let someone tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteShelby, yeah it definitely made me cry. I hope you're feeling a little lighted these days. Thanks for your kind words.
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