Dear Leo,
Cherry blossoms are blooming here now. They're so beautiful. There are two trees by our apartment and we always see people taking pictures of the flowers. Everyone wants to capture them while they are here. Cherry blossom flowers bloom for a few weeks and then, they disappear. The tree goes from a soothing pink to the typical green. Your dad said the other day that cherry blossoms reminds him of you: they're so beautiful, so precious, but are only here for a short while. And while they're here, everyone enjoys them, everyone marvels over them. And then, they're gone. Just like you.
I'm always surprised by the things that remind us of you and even more surprised by the things that make us burst into tears. One of my friends is having a baby shower soon. I'm genuinely excited for her and am taking a big part in organizing the event. Last week, I went onto her baby registry to purchase her little baby boy some gifts and was taken aback. I saw some of the same clothes that I had purchased for you and that are now sitting in your drawer. Cute little outfits that you never wore..he will be wearing them. For a second I thought of giving him your clothes, but I quickly rejected that thought; I can't bring myself to do that. They are YOUR clothes. I didn't even want to purchase him any clothes. It makes no sense, I know, but the thought of buying clothes for another baby boy is just so difficult for me. So I bought him wipes and diapers.
I was at the dentist earlier this week and as he was looking at my chart he said "I see you have a history of miscarriage." It took all that I had to not cry as I told him "it was not a miscarriage...it was premature birth." I was so upset. I HAD to correct him and let him know that you were born, that you came into this world and then left. And people talk about miscarriage as if it was such a light topic. That too is painful and hard to deal with. It's not 'just a miscarriage'. As soon as I got out of the dentist's office, I broke down in tears. I can't even explain why, because I don't really know. I didn't expect the dentist to mention you, I didn't like that he said that in passing, as if it was nothing. I didn't like that he got it wrong and referred to your death as a miscarriage.
Like a cherry blossom, your existence was real, but ephemeral. I'm grateful that I got to cherish you while you were with us.
Cherry blossoms are blooming here now. They're so beautiful. There are two trees by our apartment and we always see people taking pictures of the flowers. Everyone wants to capture them while they are here. Cherry blossom flowers bloom for a few weeks and then, they disappear. The tree goes from a soothing pink to the typical green. Your dad said the other day that cherry blossoms reminds him of you: they're so beautiful, so precious, but are only here for a short while. And while they're here, everyone enjoys them, everyone marvels over them. And then, they're gone. Just like you.I'm always surprised by the things that remind us of you and even more surprised by the things that make us burst into tears. One of my friends is having a baby shower soon. I'm genuinely excited for her and am taking a big part in organizing the event. Last week, I went onto her baby registry to purchase her little baby boy some gifts and was taken aback. I saw some of the same clothes that I had purchased for you and that are now sitting in your drawer. Cute little outfits that you never wore..he will be wearing them. For a second I thought of giving him your clothes, but I quickly rejected that thought; I can't bring myself to do that. They are YOUR clothes. I didn't even want to purchase him any clothes. It makes no sense, I know, but the thought of buying clothes for another baby boy is just so difficult for me. So I bought him wipes and diapers.
I was at the dentist earlier this week and as he was looking at my chart he said "I see you have a history of miscarriage." It took all that I had to not cry as I told him "it was not a miscarriage...it was premature birth." I was so upset. I HAD to correct him and let him know that you were born, that you came into this world and then left. And people talk about miscarriage as if it was such a light topic. That too is painful and hard to deal with. It's not 'just a miscarriage'. As soon as I got out of the dentist's office, I broke down in tears. I can't even explain why, because I don't really know. I didn't expect the dentist to mention you, I didn't like that he said that in passing, as if it was nothing. I didn't like that he got it wrong and referred to your death as a miscarriage.
Like a cherry blossom, your existence was real, but ephemeral. I'm grateful that I got to cherish you while you were with us.
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