I think that's all I have left...just an ounce of hope, and that keeps getting smaller and smaller. This past few days have been hard. It's been almost 8 months since Leo passed away. That means, that I would have been holding an 8-month baby in my arms right now. It's painful to think about all that would have been. My life would have been so different. It would have probably been chaotic and exhausting but I would have taken that any day...anything is better than this.
To make things worst, I just got another negative pregnancy test. There goes another drop of hope down the drain. Why is this so hard? I've had so much hardship in the past few months, why doesn't God just grant me something good right now? I need it so bad. I need some good news, something positive, something that will bring me an insane amount of joy...something that will bring light into my now dark heart.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, I shouldn't look at their lives and envy the little perfect families they have. I shouldn't be holding their baby and be thinking 'I should be holding my baby'. I shouldn't, but I do. But then again, I shouldn't have lost my son Leonardo, and I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment