Les Petits Pieds de Léo

Dear Leo,
My friend sent me this Celine Dion song called "Les Petits Pieds de Lea". The song really captures what I feel and I find it so fitting, especially since it was written for a little girl called Lea...and you're Leo.

Here is the song along with the English translation.

English translation

Lea's Small Feet

I didn't know you,
But you made me roar with laughter
With those little mouse-like hits
You gave from behind my navel

Even without knowing you,
I love you so much, already
All of my being
Felt this strong desire to take care of you

Why won't Lea's small feet
Ever take their very first steps?
Why won't her small feet grow?

A little shudder in the universe,
As if life changed its mind
And in a gust of wind, of dust,
Happiness was swept away

I would have given everything
For you to grow in my arms
Bad luck had pointed its finger
So that's what misfortune really is...

Why won't Lea's small feet
Ever take their very first steps?
Why won't her small feet grow?

Asleep in the palm of my hands,
A being that's so light
But so, so heavy
In my motherly heart

Not a trace of small fingers
Or of kisses blown
To your daddy through the window
As he's leaving for work

And it breaks his heart
To look at the blossoming tree
He planted there, thinking
He'd see you both grow at the same time

Why won't Lea's small feet
Ever take their very first steps?
Why won't her small feet grow?

My God, tell me why
I'll only have sung to her a single time
"Goodnight sweetheart, close your eyes and sleep"

Sunday Service for Leo

Dear Leo,

Sunday, October 27th I asked that mass be dedicated to you. Your dad and I went to the 9:30am service. We don't go to mass very often, but I felt that I needed to do this. When I am at church, I typically feel a sense of peace and I needed that this week.

Sitting quietly with my thoughts is always hard. I don't know how many times I cried during mass. Random words in the readings made me tear up. One reading had the words "God is the giver of life". That got me. God gave you to us, but God also took you away.

When they mentioned you, they didn't do it the way I was expecting. They didn't pray for you, they prayed for me and that's not what I wanted. But instead the priest said "let's pray for Natasha and her stillborn son." First of all, you were not stillborn. You lived for a little while, you were in this world with us! Secondly, you're not just my son! I wish they had also said your dad's name. I know it was a mistake, I know they didn't mean any harm, I know I'm overly sensitive right now.

After the service, your dad and I went to light a candle for you. I knelt down and prayed for you and couldn't stop crying. Some people came to me and asked if we were the parents of the baby who passed. Saying to people that you died is the hardest part for me. I can't do it without crying. I rather speak of your life, of the precious moments we had with you.

Your dad and I got many hugs in church from strangers. I'm not going to lie - it helps to get hugs. I like knowing that people are sad with us. Somehow, knowing that others are sharing in our pain helps me and makes me feel like we're not in this alone.

Your dad talked to the priest about resentment. I'm not sure what the priest said but your dad said it made him feel better. That's what counts.

I felt like I needed some air, so we left and walked home in the rain. I'm glad it was raining. I'm glad the skies were as gloomy as I was and that the rain drops mixed with my tears.

Funeral Arrangements for our Son

On Saturday, October 26th, my husband  and I had to go to the funeral home to discuss arrangements and sign some documents. We took a cab there. It was the first time I left the house since giving birth to Leo.

On our way to the funeral home, looking through the car window, I saw the world going on. People walking around downtown Seattle, enjoying the sunny Saturday, having fun, carrying on with their lives. It made me mad. How can the world go on? How can these people be walking around as if nothing had happened? I know I can't expect the world to stop because of my loss...I know this is not rational. But my world had collapsed and it felt unreal to see that the world had not changed.

The funeral arrangements were very mechanical. We were just going through the motions. My husband and I have never witnessed a burial or a cremation. Our son's funeral will be our first funeral ever.

We decided to do a cremation, so that we could keep his ashes with us. I know that anything we do right now is not for Leo, it's for us. We're trying to find a way to somehow feel better. So, we decided to just have a very simple cremation. It will just be the two of us and a priest.

After the funeral, we walked to a restaurant to have lunch and then went grocery shopping. It feels good to do normal, mundane tasks. Grocery shopping made me feel normal. We called some friends to pick us up and drive us back home. Then, we prepared dinner and invited ourselves to our friends' house. We shared a meal with them, played a board game, laughed and talked. It felt so good. I don't know if I should feel guilty for having fun that night - I mean, I had fun on the same day that we made funeral arrangements for our baby.

I have my moments at home, when I'm really hurting and sad. The mornings are the worst. You wake up after a good  night sleep and remember what happened. But I also don't want to seclude myself from society, stay at home crying all day long. I want to move on, I need to move on. This doesn't mean I love Leo any less. I don't want to pretend this never happened nor do I want to forget this. I want to live on with the sweet memory of my baby boy.

The Scariest, Happiest, Saddest Day of our Lives

Tuesday, October 22, 2013 - that is when our lives changed forever. The weird thing is that we weren't expecting it to happen. It was a regular day. Good old, normal day. How I underestimated how great a boring day can be sometimes!

In the morning of October 22, I had a regular checkup with my OBGYN. As I was walking up the hill to my Dr.'s office, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. It lasted 5 seconds and then I was all better. I thought that it might just be due to the fact that I was walking up a steep hill. My appointment went fine. We heard my baby boy's heart - it was beating strong and fast, as it should. 

I then got on a bus to go to work and felt that same pain again. This time I also felt like peeing, but after a few seconds, I felt fine again. I thought these might be Braxton Hicks contractions. I started googling that, trying to learn more about it. I was at 23 weeks, in my second semester. I read that Braxton Hicks typically happen around week 30, but that some women do get them during the second trimester. Ok - good! I felt relieved. 

When I got to work, I felt a couple more of these 'practice contractions'. They were a little painful though, and Braxton Hicks are not supposed to be painful...just uncomfortable. During my lunch hour, I kept feeling the pain more frequently. At least 5 times and it was really painful. I went into the restroom. The only thing that made me feel better was peeing or trying to pass bowel movements. But then I noticed I was bleeding and knew right away that that was not normal. I got so scared that I started to cry. I got myself together and went back to my desk....but I couldn't work, still in pain. 

My office is attached to a Group Health clinic. I told my colleague that I wasn't well and was going  to try to see a Dr. at Group Health. I went in there, in tears (a mix of fear and pain) and told the receptionist that I was 23 weeks pregnant, in pain and bleeding. I asked if I could see a doctor. Her response? "Sorry, we don't take patients who are not registered with us." I was so mad, but had no energy to argue with her. When I think back though, it infuriates me. She could have offered to have a nurse talk to me or offered to called an ambulance. SOMETHING! Don't just leave me there when you can clearly see I'm in pain! 

I went back to my desk but was feeling too hot so went outside for fresh air. One of my colleagues saw me and I told him I needed to leave, since I wasn't well. He asked "do you want a ride to the bus stop?" and I said "no, I need to go to the ER". He drove me to the nearest hospital and I told him it was ok to leave, that I would email him to let him know how I was. 

The doctor took me right away. The ultrasound showed that my baby's heart was still beating and that the baby was moving. I felt relieved. At least it's not a miscarriage! Phew. But the doctor did say that I was bleeding a little too much. I called my husband at that point and told him what was going on. I couldn't really speak. I was a mess because I was really scared and just managed to tell him that I was in the hospital and was being transferred to the hospital near our house. Within minutes, I was put into an ambulance and sent off. 

When I got to the ER at my local hospital, they gave me some medication to lessen the contraction pains I was feeling. I'm not sure that really worked. Then, I got an ultrasound done. The ultrasound showed that I was already at 6cm dilated. I asked the doctor "at how many cms do I need to be to deliver?" I felt stupid...I didn't even know that piece of information. But I wasn't ready to deliver, I hadn't done all my reading, all my homework... I still had 18 weeks to go! The doctor said "10 cms". They gave me a drug called Magnesium, which is supposed to slow down the labor. Best case scenario, I was told, I would be on this drug for  1 week at the hospital. But the drug didn't work; my contractions were getting closer and closer together and were more intense. 

I was transferred to the labor and delivery unit and told that I would likely deliver that same night. I always thought I was strong and had a high pain threshold, but the pain was getting hard to handle. In the meantime, the doctors were telling us that when a woman delivers before reaching 24 weeks, the parents have to decide whether or not to save the baby. After 24 weeks, the hospital has to do everything they can to save the baby. I was in so much pain, I couldn't think straight and couldn't make such a big decision. My husband was running around, talking to the NICU doctor, calling friends who have gone through this, gathering all kinds of information. He asked me what I wanted and I remember saying "I don't want this baby to have a hard life". At that time, I didn't know my baby, I didn't know what it was like to feel love for your own child. I am almost ashamed to say that I didn't  want to save him....but that was me before becoming a parent. 

Finally, we decided we would try to save him. I asked for an epidural because I just couldn't cope with the pain anymore. I was hot, sweating like crazy, in pain...I just wanted to get this over with. I told the doctors I was ready to push. They got set up...it all happened so fast. Before I knew it, our baby boy was born. I didn't feel him coming out and I didn't hear him. My first question was "is he alive?" He was, but he wasn't developed enough to know how to cry. The NICU doctors took him right away and tried giving him oxygen...but his little lungs weren't ready for that....he just couldn't retain any of the oxygen. The doctors informed my husband that there's nothing they can do to keep him. 

My baby boy, Leonardo, was placed into my arms. He was still breathing and his little heart was beating slowly. He smiled, he put his fingers on his lips, he made some sounds. He was perfect; absolutely perfect. The cutest little nose - like my husband's. He also had my husband's chin and long arms. He had my big eyes and my dad's big ears. His fingers were long, his head was full of dark soft hair. We had him with us for about an hour before he passed away in my arms. I knew he had left us, but I kept stroking his cheek with my fingers. 

The nurse asked us if she could clean him and weight him. She did all that in our room. He was 12.5 inches long, 1 pound 8 ounces.  Born at 8:19pm, passed away at 9:21pm. The nurse took some hand and foot imprints, took some pictures, filled out his birth certificate. Then I got Leonardo back in my arms. I kept him with us overnight in the hospital. We had our dead son in our arms, but we kept kissing him, holding him, loving him. Finally, we fell asleep. When we woke up, we held him some more, sang to him, took more pictures. At 11am we were told that we could leave the hospital...but we stayed until 3pm. We just couldn't put Leo down. We couldn't leave him. When we finally gave him to the nurse, we broke down into tears. How horrible is it to give birth and not be able to take your baby home with you? I felt so empty. 

I am grateful to have had 1 hour with him, to have heard his voice. I feel happy knowing that Leo felt our love for him. I am grateful to him to have shown me what it means to love your child so much, what it means to be a parent. This also showed me how strong my husband is, how amazing and calm he was during this stressful situation. I'm in awe of  him right now. I think he had a much harder job than I did during the whole delivery period. He had to make the tough calls, he had to inform our families, he had to talk to many doctors and friends. I saw a really amazing side of him and love him so much more for that. 

 I haven't asked myself or God why this happened to me. I think that's a useless question and know there's no answer to it. I have never felt so much pain though. This really hurts. I do feel it's unfair that this happened.  Oh it's so unfair. I followed all the rules, I was eating healthy, kept active, stayed away from alcohol, caffeine, lunch meats, etc. I did everything! I do feel guilty even though the doctors told me this was not my fault...my cervix was weak, it opened too quickly, it's genetic, I was born with a weak cervix. But I am angry at my cervix, as ridiculous as that might sound. I also miss feeling him in my belly, I am mad that in just a few days my bump has disappeared. There are no signs that I was pregnant, that I delivered a baby boy, that I am a mother. No signs of any of that. I sometimes feel that this was all a bad dream and then I come to the tough realization that no, it wasn't. This was real. It happened to me, to us. 

Leo, I love you. I know you weren't meant to be in this world, but I miss you and wish I could hold you longer. I wish I could show you how much I love you and how great of a mother I would have been. I wish you had met your dad and seen how amazing he is. 

You will forever be in our hearts.

Leonardo, born on October 22, 2013 at 8:19pm.
Passed away on October 22, 2013 at 9:21pm. 

Getting the Feeling

I'm at 21 weeks and 4 days now. I can now say that I'm slowly grasping the idea that I have a little baby growing inside of me and that I'll soon be a mother. I wasn't feeling any attachment or emotions up until now, but this week I started feeling excited. It's all coming together.

My husband said something to me last week that melted my heart. He showed me an episode of a TV show about a country signer. In the episode, the signer's kids went on stage and sang beautifully. Then, my husband told me "I saw this episode before you got pregnant and I thought the kids were amazing. But now, as I watch this, I can only imagine how proud a parent can be of his kids." It touched me that he was already experiencing the feelings of being a parent. He also always says 'hi baby' when he comes home while rubbing my belly. On Saturday, we prayed together. Usually when we do this, he places some ashes or powder on our foreheads. This time, we also put some on my belly for the baby.

Two weekends ago, I went to baby Gap and bought 5 onesies for our baby boy. Last Saturday, I went onto Carter.com and bought more stuff. Having baby stuff around the house is a reminder that we're getting ready for this little bundle of joy. All these things together really make our baby feel present in our home.

I also started feeling my baby boy more often. I feel him a little during the day, but it's more prevalent at night, when I lie down and am ready to go to sleep. When I don't feel him, I get a little worried so I try to press on my belly a little to see if he moves. It gives me peace to feel him. It's hard to explain this feeling, but it's a mix of joy, relief and amazement.

DH and I also started talking about names. He likes Jack and Jeff. I don't. I like Noah, Lucas, Joshua. We both kinda like Zack and Leonardo. I think we're leaning towards Leonardo right now. It means "strong as a lion" or "lion-hearted". That's a strong, powerful meaning; I like that.  So we'll start referring to our baby as Leo for now to see how that feels. I like that it's a latin name (my mother tongue is Portuguese) and that it's easy to pronounce in French (which will be the baby's mother tongue) and English but that it's not super common.

I am thankful that I'm still feeling pretty good. I've got a little sciatic pain, which bothers me from time to time, but it's nothing compared to what other pregnant women go through. I have energy, am working out, feel pretty good and have no other pains. I am feeling a little impatient though. When I hit the halfway mark last week I thought "wow, halfway already"...but now, time seems to go by slower. 

Already Halfway Through!

I’m not writing as much as I would like to. Part of it is me getting home completely exhausted at the end of my work day. I keep running in my head all the things I need to write about, but then never get it done. So here goes.

A few days shy of week 20, my dear husband (DH) and I went for the anatomy scan at the hospital. We were excited as it was going to be the longest and most detailed ultrasound and we were going to find out the sex of the baby. This was the first time DH was present at an ultrasound. He was really amazed, took some videos and pictures. It was sweet to see him so excited. I was lying there, just trying not to fall asleep.

We did find out that our little baby is a boy. The ultrasound tech said it was very clear that it is a boy. I’m happy. I didn’t really have a preference. I would like to have 1 boy and 1 girl and I didn’t mind the order in which that came. Although, I always thought that it would be nice for a little girl to have a ‘big brother’. Let’s see if that happens in a few years! J

We got tons of pictures of the ultrasound. We could see our son (yeah, I guess I can say that now!) open/close his mouth, stretch out, move a lot. It is becoming more real, although I do often forget that I’m pregnant. I am definitely showing now, but not enough to make it obvious.

The most exciting news has been feeling the baby move. A few days after the ultrasound (so at week 20), I clearly started feeling some movements. I felt some stuff before, but I wasn’t sure if it really was the baby…but now I’m sure. It’s pretty clear. It’s been fun to feel him. I like keeping my hand on my tummy as much as possible (while watching TV, while lying down, while on the bus) to feel him. DH can’t feel him yet though. I look forward for him to be able to feel the baby too. It’s something that  is nice to share.

This past weekend I bought the first set of baby stuff. Compared to other women that I discuss with online, I’m a little late. Most of them have bought tons of things, including cribs, toys, clothes, diapers…this weekend, I really went out to buy  myself some maternity work pants and bras, but then decided to stop at the GAP since I had a $20 coupon. I went in and headed straight to the sales rack. Baby clothes are so cute, but they can be so expensive…so I decided not to go crazy. I got 4 onesies and with my coupon, that came out to $5.43. I think that’s quite a deal. I got home, took pictures of the clothes and sent it to my sister. Today, I also sent the pictures to my parents.

I had what they call ‘sciatic pain’. It’s a sharp pain on the left buttocks. Basically, whenever I would get up after sitting for a while, I would feel the pain and have a hard time walking. I remember feeling a slight discomfort at week 7 onwards, but recently it got much worst. I often had to limp for  a while before being able to walk properly. My chiropractor and my fitness trainer gave me a couple of stretches to try out and recommended I roll on a foam roller or tennis ball. Last week, I worked out 4 days and suddenly the pain stopped.  I think I need to stay active – at least, that’s the learning I took from this experience. I haven’t felt the pain in over a week now. Knock on wood!

I feel a little ashamed of the fact that I don’t feel connected to the baby yet. I thought I would feel connection and love as soon as I found out the sex and then  I thought I would feel it when I started feeling him move. But still nothing. I always thought I’d be the kind of person who would be totally in love with my unborn child…I sure hope this doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. I hope that will change soon. My DH though, has been really cute. Whenever he gets home he says hi to me and then rubs my belly and says ‘hi baby’. He often kisses my belly and talks to the baby. I haven’t been able to just talk to the baby yet, but I do try to sing out loud and play the piano often for him.

I do feel a little overwhelmed by all that needs to be done. I need to seriously start a baby registry, but I don’t know what to get. That’s my main problem. Some of my friends who were recently pregnant said they would help me out. I do need help. I’m so clueless. I’m hoping to get most of what I need through gifts so that we don’t have to spend too much. Since DH is starting his business, he is not earning a salary yet, which means I’m the breadwinner. I think that we’re doing really well, but I guess we don’t have as much money as we did a few months ago. Ideally, I would love for the baby to have his own room, to decorate it nicely for him, like most women do…but I think we’ll keep things simple. We live in a 1-bdrm apartment and although we are looking for a 2-bdrm, it might not happen since rental prices in this city are skyrocketing. Anyway, we’ll probably put the crib in our bedroom and make one of our dressers the ‘baby’s dresser’.  I know that the baby doesn’t really mind if he has his own room or not...but I still wish I could do that for him. 

I’m still feeling good, not sick, not in pain. I feel lucky that it’s been so good so far. I know many women who are already suffering at this stage. This baby has been good to me. J

Sharing the news with my boss

I finally did it and talked to my boss. It went better than I expected. For some reason, I expected him to say something horrible, totally ignoring HR rules…but none of that happened. He is fairly new to the company, so he wasn’t able to tell me what I  would be entitled to. He congratulated me and said that he needs to talk to upper management.  This was last Tuesday.

On Friday, he messaged me asking to meet me so that we could talk. Unfortunately, I was completely swamped and we only ended up talking on Monday. Overall, I’m fairly pleased. I’ll take all my sick days for 2014 (and hope I don’t get sick during the year) + the vacation I would have accrued by Feb (3 days). Those would be paid. Then I get to take a medical leave of 6 weeks (unpaid). Plus, they’re giving me an extra paid week… as long as I don’t say a word to HR.

My boss talked to 2 other senior managers, but they haven’t said a word to me. Not even a congrats or ‘we heard the news’. I don’t know if they’re waiting for me to make a large announcement …but I think it’s weird that they haven’t said a word.  I work in a small office (we’re 13 people), so it’s not like they don’t know me or like they haven’t run into me. Anyway.

I shared the news with the 3 colleagues that work on the same project as me, as they will probably be the most affected when I’m on leave. Then I told 2 other people whom I’m the closest with. During a team meeting, one of the senior execs ended by saying “does anyone else have anything to share?” He was clearly looking at me. But I don’t feel comfortable announcing it to the whole team at once, in a meeting setting. It’s a little awkward and I’m kind of shy. I’ll tell some more people slowly. The others will eventually notice my growing belly and put 2 and 2 together.

So now, I just go to get my doctor to fill out a medical leave form, write down all the days I’m planning to take off, send it to the HR and I’m done. Yay! It wasn’t as bad as I though.

I’m still feeling really great. I’m not tired, not nauseous, not sick. I’ve gained about 3 pounds since the start of my pregnancy and I’m noticing my belly grow. I look forward to my long ultrasound in a couple of weeks. We’ll  finally find out the sex of the baby! 

Maternity Laws - What Laws?

I’m almost 16 weeks now and I haven’t told my work yet. I’ve been reading up on the maternity laws…or should I say, lack thereof?

I might have mentioned this before, but I’m originally from Canada. Over there, working women get 1 year off, with 60-75% of their pay. Some women I know, extended that to 18 months, because they felt it was too soon to leave their babies at a daycare.

Now, I’m reading the US laws and the FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) says that women are entitled to take a leave of maximum 12 weeks and be guaranteed to have their job back IF they have been working at the same company for at least 12 months.  That’s right! I accepted this new job before I was pregnant. When I started, I was already a few weeks pregnant. Now, because I was conscious of making a positive move in my career, I’m penalized. Because I would have been here for only 7 months by the time I take a leave, I am not entitled to ANYTHING. No guarantee of having my job back, no 12 weeks leave…nothing.

My company is a little generous I suppose. They offer 50% of your salary for your first 4 weeks off if you’ve been at the company for 1-3 years. If you’ve been here for 6+ years, you get 50% of your salary for the full 12 weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait 6 years before having a second child.

I was also told by the HR that the sick days that I would have accumulated by then (about 15 sick days) can only be used if I’m eligible for FMLA. Ie, if I had been in the company for a year, they would have paid 100% of my wages for those 15 days. Bummer. I was also told I can take my vacation days…but since my vacation days don’t roll over, by February, I’ll only have 2 vacation days.

Now, what should I do? I plan on asking my company to treat me as if I had been here for 1 year – that is, give me 12 weeks of leave and pay 50% of the first 4 weeks. I don’t know what they’ll say to that. If that doesn’t work, I can take an unpaid leave. Or, I can take a medical leave (which will be 6 weeks if I have a vaginal birth, 8 weeks for C-section), come back to work, wait until I completed 1  year and take my FMLA leave then.

I feel so frustrated about these laws. I know a lot of people say that your company nor the government should be responsible for your reproductive needs but this is how I feel. I’m adding a new US citizen to this country. He/she will be a productive part of society. If all women decided to stop having kids, what would be the future of this nation? Women are needed, babies are needed! Why not help women a little? I mean, we already have to deal with discrimination (some employers don’t hire women who they think might get pregnant). I also feel like people at work will treat me differently as soon as they find out I’m pregnant. They’ll probably see my leave as a huge hassle. I’m nervous to tell them because I’ve heard comments like “oh, this client is ALWAYS pregnant”. “this client is VERY pregnant”.

A child’s first year of life is so important. I don’t want to put that in the hands of daycare workers. On top of all that, my husband is now working on starting his own venture, which means I’m the only breadwinner…added stress!

More Announcements to Friends and Family

I haven’t written in a while. My new job is keeping me busy and by the time I get home, I’m so tired! Now that my mother and my in-laws have left, I’m back to doing a lot of the normal house chores. I was lucky that my guests helped me so much. It’s a little hard to get back to my normal responsibilities.

This past Saturday I went for my blood test, which is the 2^nd part of the sequential test (test to determine if there are any chromosomes abnormality with the baby).  We should hear back on Tuesday. The doc told me that if everything is ok, the nurse will call. If there’s anything to be concerned about, my doc will call. I’m hoping to hear the nurse’s voice!

Two weekends ago, I invited my closest Seattle friends to have brunch at one of our favorite brunch places. I asked the waitress to hand out the fortune cookies I  had prepared  whenever she was handing out the bill. It was a funny event. The fortune cookies said “a new bundle of joy is arriving soon” and some said “good things come in small packages.” Our friends, 2 couples, read the messages and started freaking out a little. Of course, they thought this was THEIR fortune. I didn’t see that coming! Then, I told them “the fortune cookies are from us.” They were still a little confused, so I had no choice but to blurt out “I’m pregnant”. Their reaction was fun. Just pure happiness. It was really great.

When my mom was here, I gave her some fortune cookies to give to my uncles and their families. She has given it to them, but they have not opened it yet. I don’t know if they will. I’m starting to think that maybe that the fortune cookie announcement wasn’t such a great idea. I’ll call them in a week and ask them to open it.

We’ve also video chatted with a few family members on my husband’s side of the family and announced the news. Since we’re so far from everyone, it’s great to be able to see their faces and their reactions. It’s been fun telling people. I started wondering, what is it about pregnancy that makes others so happy for you? Are they happy that you will finally discover the joys of parenthood? What about those who are not parents yet? Why are they so happy?  I’m not complaining of course, I’m just wondering. 

Heartbeats, Announcements & Ultrasound

It’s been a little while since I wrote a post. My mother came to visit for 2 weeks and now my in-laws are here for another 2 weeks. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks and a lot has happened.

I did some research online on the best way to break the news to loved ones. I liked one suggestion, which was to ask someone to take non-stop pictures while you’re announcing your pregnancy so that you have a series of pictures depicting people’s reactions and emotions. So, I decided to do that, but to go one step further and also ask someone to record it on video.

 

Announcing to your maternal grandma

So, on my mother’s second day here, we took her to a beautiful spot in Seattle. It’s a lookout and you can see the lake, the city, the Space Needle…it’s the spot from where all postcard shots are taken. My husband gave someone our camera and gave someone else his iPhone (for the video recording). He told them that we’re making an announcement and we wanted to capture it. I’m so glad we did! At the moment, when you break the news, it’s hard to be aware of everything. It just goes by so quickly. But when I looked at the pictures, I could really see my mom’s surprise, excitement, tears. It was great. The video too is amazing. I’ve watched it several times already.

Announcing to your paternal grandparents

We did the same with my in-laws. We took them to a different location and got 2 people to help us out (one for the picture, one for the video). Those pictures too were amazing. The video was nice, but I wish we had told the person to come a little closer so that we could have heard everything. But anyway, it’s really precious to be able to look back at all that.

We announced to my dad over Google Hangouts and recorded that too. We did that with my brother-in-law as well. Now, I just need to tell my sister, who apparently is too busy to video chat with me for 10 mins.

During my mom’s visit, at about 12 weeks, we all (mom, husband and I) went to the doctor to hear the baby’s heartbeat. It’s sooooo fast. I was relieved that we could hear it, because I still don’t feel pregnant…so any reassurance that there’s actually a baby in there makes me happy. I’m still not feeling nauseous and I’m not as tired as I was before. I also haven’t gained any weight (on the scale) but can see my belly protruding a little.

This morning, I went to the doctor’s office again. This time, for an ultrasound that would detect if our baby might have any chromosome abnormalities (down syndrome, etc.). It’s part 1 of a two-part test.  They also drew a blood sample from my arm. I’ll know in a week what our chances are. I’m not too worried though.

The nicest part though about today’s visit was actually seeing the baby. The first time (at week 6), all I could see was a little cocoon that didn't look anything like a human. But today, I could see the baby’s 2 legs, 2 arms, fingers, face, brain, spine…wow it already is a little person!!!

I’m officially on my second trimester. It’s now ok to start telling people. Ideally, I’d like to tell my sister before I tell others…I hope that will happen this weekend.