Ask me How I Am Doing!!!

I'm feeling pretty horrible right  now...because I'm envious but mostly because this envy makes little sense.

My co-worker just came back to the office, after taking a few days off due to a torn ACL. As soon as he came back to the office, all our colleagues gathered around him, asking him how he was, saying things like "I'm so sorry, that sucks", "that's horrible, how are you feeling now?" and "I'll make you a lasagna since you can't really cook now."

When I came back to work, 2 women gave me hugs, but other than that, no one has said a thing to me. My coworkers didn't even look me in the eye. They didn't ask me how I was. They didn't say they were sorry. They didn't tell me "that's horrible." Nothing. Four weeks have passed and they haven't even mentioned my son's name, acknowledged my loss, acknowledged my pain.

Fair enough, my injured coworker is wearing a knee brace, which makes his pain very visible. But my pain is not physical. My pain is emotional, it's deep and yes, it is horrible. More horrible than tearing an ACL.

I know that these are two different things. I know that people feel awkward talking about death. It's easier to talk about knee surgeries than it is to talk about a dead baby. But I need their support. I need them to acknowledge that I gave birth and that my son died. Why do they pretend that nothing happened? That is so hurtful - as if losing my baby was an insignificant event...

Sharing the news with my boss

I finally did it and talked to my boss. It went better than I expected. For some reason, I expected him to say something horrible, totally ignoring HR rules…but none of that happened. He is fairly new to the company, so he wasn’t able to tell me what I  would be entitled to. He congratulated me and said that he needs to talk to upper management.  This was last Tuesday.

On Friday, he messaged me asking to meet me so that we could talk. Unfortunately, I was completely swamped and we only ended up talking on Monday. Overall, I’m fairly pleased. I’ll take all my sick days for 2014 (and hope I don’t get sick during the year) + the vacation I would have accrued by Feb (3 days). Those would be paid. Then I get to take a medical leave of 6 weeks (unpaid). Plus, they’re giving me an extra paid week… as long as I don’t say a word to HR.

My boss talked to 2 other senior managers, but they haven’t said a word to me. Not even a congrats or ‘we heard the news’. I don’t know if they’re waiting for me to make a large announcement …but I think it’s weird that they haven’t said a word.  I work in a small office (we’re 13 people), so it’s not like they don’t know me or like they haven’t run into me. Anyway.

I shared the news with the 3 colleagues that work on the same project as me, as they will probably be the most affected when I’m on leave. Then I told 2 other people whom I’m the closest with. During a team meeting, one of the senior execs ended by saying “does anyone else have anything to share?” He was clearly looking at me. But I don’t feel comfortable announcing it to the whole team at once, in a meeting setting. It’s a little awkward and I’m kind of shy. I’ll tell some more people slowly. The others will eventually notice my growing belly and put 2 and 2 together.

So now, I just go to get my doctor to fill out a medical leave form, write down all the days I’m planning to take off, send it to the HR and I’m done. Yay! It wasn’t as bad as I though.

I’m still feeling really great. I’m not tired, not nauseous, not sick. I’ve gained about 3 pounds since the start of my pregnancy and I’m noticing my belly grow. I look forward to my long ultrasound in a couple of weeks. We’ll  finally find out the sex of the baby! 

Week 10: Olive

Wow, it's been 10 weeks already. It seemed to have gone by so quickly, but then again, I was already 5 weeks when I found out that I was pregnant. 30 more weeks to go!

I found out yesterday that the little pod in me in now the size of an olive and that it is officially a fetus now (no longer an embryo). This makes it real. I've got a little person in me. Although I don't really feel much different. I'm still a bit tired, but not as much as I was a few weeks ago. Other than that, no other symptoms...so it's been good so far.

I think I started showing a little. My husband can notice it but I don't know if anyone else can. Maybe they can,but they just don't want to ask me if I gained weight. Actually, I had lost about 2 pounds around weeks 6 and 7 and last week I gained them back. So, I'm back to where I was when I found out I was pregnant.

I'm on week 3 at my new job. I don't particularly like my boss very much and I am getting increasingly nervous about telling him that I'm pregnant. I have a feeling he is not going to take it well. We had a meeting with a pregnant client last week and the executive VP (a woman) of my company told me "Anne (not her real name) is very pregnant. She was pregnant last time I worked with her. In fact, she seems continuously pregnant." That doesn't sound too positive. Does the VP have an aversion to pregnant women? This is not looking good for me. Plus, since I would have been here for less than 12 months by the time I deliver, my company does not have to give me maternity leave. I don't know how they'll handle that. Basically, if I take 3 months off, they do not have to guarantee me my job back, according to the Washington state law. It's crazy...

I'm from Canada, a country that gives every woman 12 months maternity leave. Most of those months, the new mom is paid 65% of her salary and if she's lucky, her company matches it to 100%. Having to take only 3  months off, not having them be paid and not be guaranteed a job when I'm ready to come back is really frustrating to me. I'm definitely worried.

Tough Work and Social Situations

I started a new job on July 1^st. I’m officially on my 6^th day now. They don’t know I’m pregnant yet. It’s been a little tough due to my extreme fatigue. Typically, around 2pm all I can think of is going home, eating some chips (I know, it’s bad) and taking a nap. I’ve been going to the restroom often, but that hasn’t disrupted my work or my life at all. What is increasingly hard in the position though is that my company holds Friday Mimosa’s every week at 10:30am. Last week, I said I would just drink water. This week, I’ll stick to a virgin Mimosa (ie, orange juice).  But how long can I go without joining my colleagues for some alcohol? I see only two possibilities: 1) I tell them I’m an AA 2) I tell them I don’t drink at all. The second option is probably best, although the first option would probably shut them up forever. Hahaha.

Last night, we had our first company event. It was at one of my colleague’s house. A simple affair: barbecue, drinks, food, badminton in his backyard. There were cheese and crackers. Of course, the first thing that comes to my mind is: is this cheese pasteurized? Luckily I was able to look at the ingredients without anyone noticing. Later in the evening, the host decided to do a bonfire. I sneakily looked at the package that he used as a fire started and it had a scary warning:

“California Proposition 65 Warning  The burning of natural firewood, natural gas, 

manufactured fireplace logs and fire starters can result in the emissions of carbon monoxide, 

soot and other combustion by products.  The State of California recognizes that these by-products 

may cause cancer, birth defects, or reproductive harm.”

 So, everyone was sitting around the fire and I had to find somewhere else to hang out at….so I sat inside the house and watched cartoons with the kids. I probably came off as very anti-social – not good for my first company outing – but I tried to explain to people that the smoke is not good for my asthma (not entirely a lie).  Seriously, it’s becoming a challenge for me. Always looking out for things that can harm baby and having to come up with original and believable excuses….

Last weekend, my husband and I joined 3 other friends on a little trip to a nearby Washington island. It was great…but again, I had to look out for a lot of things. We all went for smoothies, but I couldn’t have any as the menu said the fruits and veggies were not pasteurized. Then, we went out to eat and I had to quietly ask the girl at the counter if the cheese was raw or pasteurized.  Everyone wanted to go on a bike ride, which is fine, I wanted it too…but after 22 miles, I was having a real hard time keeping up. I don’t know if it’s just my physical shape (which I think it’s pretty good) or the pregnancy thing, but I was slow and I felt bad for holding everyone back. At the end of our stay, we promised to help my friend clean up her cabin. The tasks were vacuuming, laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Luckily my husband did the vacuuming and I quickly volunteered for laundry. When someone ask “what about the restroom”, I had to say “someone has to do that”. I couldn’t tell them that the chemicals could harm my future child…so they probably thought I was just lazy or didn’t want to do the nastiest job (not entirely untrue either….). There was also the thought of doing a bonfire on the beach and we had to blame my asthma once again. I look forward to announcing my pregnancy and clarifying all these things!

I sometimes wonder if it was a good idea for me to start a new job at this time. I know that it’s the best thing for my career. I couldn’t let the opportunity go by. But yesterday, at the company party I was talking to one of my coworkers who has been in this company for over 2 years, and he told me he often works until 11pm and sometimes on weekends. These days, it’s a stretch for me to stay at work until 5:30pm. I reach home at around 7pm and I just collapse. At my old job, things weren’t too busy. I could walk in at around 10am and leave at 4pm. It was really the perfect set up for a pregnant woman. I also had the opportunity to work from home once a week. All those perks sound so good to me right now. The worst about my new schedule is that I have not figured out a good time to work out. I like doing that in the  morning, but I keep hitting the snooze these days and in the evenings, all I can think about is lying down. My research tells me that I’ll gain more energy in the 2^nd trimester – I hope that is the case. I guess I should consider myself lucky for not having any morning sickness yet (knock on wood). 

What worries me the most about this new job though is the maternity leave. I found out after I accepted the job that in Washington, you need to have worked for an employer for at least 12 months in order to benefit from the family and medical leave (3 months). By the time I go on maternity leave, I would have only been with the company for 7 months. I don’t know what will happen. Will they give me 3 months anyway? That would be the nice thing to do…but corporations don’t have to be nice. At my last job, I knew I could have taken 3 months and 1 of those months are paid. 

I also worry about 3 months not being enough. Coming from Canada, where most mothers take 1 year off, 3 months sounds horrible. I can’t believe the US labor laws. They really do not protect or benefit the workers at all. I spent some time reading the Labor Laws on Monday and found out that employers are not required to provide breaks either. WHAT? I mean, I know most of them do, but how come that is not part of the law?

To end on a positive note, my mother is coming to visit in less than 9 days! She’ll be here for 2 weeks and I’ll finally share the news with her. I cannot wait. Plus, she’ll be there for the first time we hear baby’s heartbeat. J

Not Sharing is Hard

I've been waiting for week 7. I don't really have a reason, I just want the weeks to go by fast. It's been hard to keep the secret and I can't wait to share the news with everyone.

I went to a brunch place with friends over the weekend and had to softly ask the waiter to make sure my eggs were not runny.  I realize now that I forgot to ask what kind of cheese was in my eggs. I really hope it was pasteurized. It's been a little hard for me to remember all the things I have to watch out for now, especially since I've always eaten everything and often, without even knowing what I'm eating!

We had one of my husband's friend stay over with us for a few days. We bought him some cold cuts and he asked me how come I wasn't having any. I gotta keep coming up with lies really quickly and it's not always easy. I said that I was trying to cut fatty foods out of my diet. I think he bought it!

My friends are taking about a 100km bike ride coming up in a few months. They are really trying to convince me to join them and I keep saying "we'll see". I'll probably be 6 months pregnant by then and it's probably not a good idea for me to do a 100k bike ride, but I can't really tell them why.

Tomorrow, is the big day. I'm going to the doctor to have my first ultrasound and see if you're ok.

I'm relieved because I haven't bled (or spotted) since Sunday. It's been 3 full days! I have been taking it easy - ie no exercises...I hope things remain the same after I start working out. Also, I've started noticing some changes. This morning I noticed that my areolas are larger in circumference, which is also a sign of pregnancy! Yay! And I've had some queasiness in the morning, but it only lasts about 1 minute. I hope it stays that way and doesn't get worst!

Oh! Yesterday I watched a documentary about pregnancy and saw a woman giving birth. I could see everything. Wow, the human body (the woman body) is amazing but oh gosh! I don't know if I can do that. I look forward to having my baby in my arms but don't look forward to the delivery. That is scary! It actually freaked me out a little...I don't know if it was a good idea to watch that documentary!

Today, we got some great news. Your dad was published in a tech magazine and got accepted into a reputable startup program. This year is looking great so far! Also, I'm starting my new job on Monday. I am a little worried about having to tell my new bosses 2 months into the job that I'm pregnant, but hey, that's life right?  I just hope they have a good maternity leave because I really don't think I can take only 12 weeks off....well, we've got time.

One last thing! A few weeks ago, even before I knew I was pregnant, your paternal grandma (your appama) told me that she had a dream that I was sitting on some stairs with my husband and that a 7 year old girl came running to us. It was our daughter. My husband has been saying that he has a feeling that the baby is a girl. I don't have any clue or gut feeling yet, but these seem to be signs that the baby might be a girl and I'm ok with that! :) I don't think we'll find out the sex though before delivery, so this mystery will only be solved in February!