Maternity Laws - What Laws?

I’m almost 16 weeks now and I haven’t told my work yet. I’ve been reading up on the maternity laws…or should I say, lack thereof?

I might have mentioned this before, but I’m originally from Canada. Over there, working women get 1 year off, with 60-75% of their pay. Some women I know, extended that to 18 months, because they felt it was too soon to leave their babies at a daycare.

Now, I’m reading the US laws and the FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) says that women are entitled to take a leave of maximum 12 weeks and be guaranteed to have their job back IF they have been working at the same company for at least 12 months.  That’s right! I accepted this new job before I was pregnant. When I started, I was already a few weeks pregnant. Now, because I was conscious of making a positive move in my career, I’m penalized. Because I would have been here for only 7 months by the time I take a leave, I am not entitled to ANYTHING. No guarantee of having my job back, no 12 weeks leave…nothing.

My company is a little generous I suppose. They offer 50% of your salary for your first 4 weeks off if you’ve been at the company for 1-3 years. If you’ve been here for 6+ years, you get 50% of your salary for the full 12 weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait 6 years before having a second child.

I was also told by the HR that the sick days that I would have accumulated by then (about 15 sick days) can only be used if I’m eligible for FMLA. Ie, if I had been in the company for a year, they would have paid 100% of my wages for those 15 days. Bummer. I was also told I can take my vacation days…but since my vacation days don’t roll over, by February, I’ll only have 2 vacation days.

Now, what should I do? I plan on asking my company to treat me as if I had been here for 1 year – that is, give me 12 weeks of leave and pay 50% of the first 4 weeks. I don’t know what they’ll say to that. If that doesn’t work, I can take an unpaid leave. Or, I can take a medical leave (which will be 6 weeks if I have a vaginal birth, 8 weeks for C-section), come back to work, wait until I completed 1  year and take my FMLA leave then.

I feel so frustrated about these laws. I know a lot of people say that your company nor the government should be responsible for your reproductive needs but this is how I feel. I’m adding a new US citizen to this country. He/she will be a productive part of society. If all women decided to stop having kids, what would be the future of this nation? Women are needed, babies are needed! Why not help women a little? I mean, we already have to deal with discrimination (some employers don’t hire women who they think might get pregnant). I also feel like people at work will treat me differently as soon as they find out I’m pregnant. They’ll probably see my leave as a huge hassle. I’m nervous to tell them because I’ve heard comments like “oh, this client is ALWAYS pregnant”. “this client is VERY pregnant”.

A child’s first year of life is so important. I don’t want to put that in the hands of daycare workers. On top of all that, my husband is now working on starting his own venture, which means I’m the only breadwinner…added stress!

More Announcements to Friends and Family

I haven’t written in a while. My new job is keeping me busy and by the time I get home, I’m so tired! Now that my mother and my in-laws have left, I’m back to doing a lot of the normal house chores. I was lucky that my guests helped me so much. It’s a little hard to get back to my normal responsibilities.

This past Saturday I went for my blood test, which is the 2^nd part of the sequential test (test to determine if there are any chromosomes abnormality with the baby).  We should hear back on Tuesday. The doc told me that if everything is ok, the nurse will call. If there’s anything to be concerned about, my doc will call. I’m hoping to hear the nurse’s voice!

Two weekends ago, I invited my closest Seattle friends to have brunch at one of our favorite brunch places. I asked the waitress to hand out the fortune cookies I  had prepared  whenever she was handing out the bill. It was a funny event. The fortune cookies said “a new bundle of joy is arriving soon” and some said “good things come in small packages.” Our friends, 2 couples, read the messages and started freaking out a little. Of course, they thought this was THEIR fortune. I didn’t see that coming! Then, I told them “the fortune cookies are from us.” They were still a little confused, so I had no choice but to blurt out “I’m pregnant”. Their reaction was fun. Just pure happiness. It was really great.

When my mom was here, I gave her some fortune cookies to give to my uncles and their families. She has given it to them, but they have not opened it yet. I don’t know if they will. I’m starting to think that maybe that the fortune cookie announcement wasn’t such a great idea. I’ll call them in a week and ask them to open it.

We’ve also video chatted with a few family members on my husband’s side of the family and announced the news. Since we’re so far from everyone, it’s great to be able to see their faces and their reactions. It’s been fun telling people. I started wondering, what is it about pregnancy that makes others so happy for you? Are they happy that you will finally discover the joys of parenthood? What about those who are not parents yet? Why are they so happy?  I’m not complaining of course, I’m just wondering. 

Heartbeats, Announcements & Ultrasound

It’s been a little while since I wrote a post. My mother came to visit for 2 weeks and now my in-laws are here for another 2 weeks. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks and a lot has happened.

I did some research online on the best way to break the news to loved ones. I liked one suggestion, which was to ask someone to take non-stop pictures while you’re announcing your pregnancy so that you have a series of pictures depicting people’s reactions and emotions. So, I decided to do that, but to go one step further and also ask someone to record it on video.

 

Announcing to your maternal grandma

So, on my mother’s second day here, we took her to a beautiful spot in Seattle. It’s a lookout and you can see the lake, the city, the Space Needle…it’s the spot from where all postcard shots are taken. My husband gave someone our camera and gave someone else his iPhone (for the video recording). He told them that we’re making an announcement and we wanted to capture it. I’m so glad we did! At the moment, when you break the news, it’s hard to be aware of everything. It just goes by so quickly. But when I looked at the pictures, I could really see my mom’s surprise, excitement, tears. It was great. The video too is amazing. I’ve watched it several times already.

Announcing to your paternal grandparents

We did the same with my in-laws. We took them to a different location and got 2 people to help us out (one for the picture, one for the video). Those pictures too were amazing. The video was nice, but I wish we had told the person to come a little closer so that we could have heard everything. But anyway, it’s really precious to be able to look back at all that.

We announced to my dad over Google Hangouts and recorded that too. We did that with my brother-in-law as well. Now, I just need to tell my sister, who apparently is too busy to video chat with me for 10 mins.

During my mom’s visit, at about 12 weeks, we all (mom, husband and I) went to the doctor to hear the baby’s heartbeat. It’s sooooo fast. I was relieved that we could hear it, because I still don’t feel pregnant…so any reassurance that there’s actually a baby in there makes me happy. I’m still not feeling nauseous and I’m not as tired as I was before. I also haven’t gained any weight (on the scale) but can see my belly protruding a little.

This morning, I went to the doctor’s office again. This time, for an ultrasound that would detect if our baby might have any chromosome abnormalities (down syndrome, etc.). It’s part 1 of a two-part test.  They also drew a blood sample from my arm. I’ll know in a week what our chances are. I’m not too worried though.

The nicest part though about today’s visit was actually seeing the baby. The first time (at week 6), all I could see was a little cocoon that didn't look anything like a human. But today, I could see the baby’s 2 legs, 2 arms, fingers, face, brain, spine…wow it already is a little person!!!

I’m officially on my second trimester. It’s now ok to start telling people. Ideally, I’d like to tell my sister before I tell others…I hope that will happen this weekend.

Week 10: Olive

Wow, it's been 10 weeks already. It seemed to have gone by so quickly, but then again, I was already 5 weeks when I found out that I was pregnant. 30 more weeks to go!

I found out yesterday that the little pod in me in now the size of an olive and that it is officially a fetus now (no longer an embryo). This makes it real. I've got a little person in me. Although I don't really feel much different. I'm still a bit tired, but not as much as I was a few weeks ago. Other than that, no other symptoms...so it's been good so far.

I think I started showing a little. My husband can notice it but I don't know if anyone else can. Maybe they can,but they just don't want to ask me if I gained weight. Actually, I had lost about 2 pounds around weeks 6 and 7 and last week I gained them back. So, I'm back to where I was when I found out I was pregnant.

I'm on week 3 at my new job. I don't particularly like my boss very much and I am getting increasingly nervous about telling him that I'm pregnant. I have a feeling he is not going to take it well. We had a meeting with a pregnant client last week and the executive VP (a woman) of my company told me "Anne (not her real name) is very pregnant. She was pregnant last time I worked with her. In fact, she seems continuously pregnant." That doesn't sound too positive. Does the VP have an aversion to pregnant women? This is not looking good for me. Plus, since I would have been here for less than 12 months by the time I deliver, my company does not have to give me maternity leave. I don't know how they'll handle that. Basically, if I take 3 months off, they do not have to guarantee me my job back, according to the Washington state law. It's crazy...

I'm from Canada, a country that gives every woman 12 months maternity leave. Most of those months, the new mom is paid 65% of her salary and if she's lucky, her company matches it to 100%. Having to take only 3  months off, not having them be paid and not be guaranteed a job when I'm ready to come back is really frustrating to me. I'm definitely worried.

Tough Work and Social Situations

I started a new job on July 1^st. I’m officially on my 6^th day now. They don’t know I’m pregnant yet. It’s been a little tough due to my extreme fatigue. Typically, around 2pm all I can think of is going home, eating some chips (I know, it’s bad) and taking a nap. I’ve been going to the restroom often, but that hasn’t disrupted my work or my life at all. What is increasingly hard in the position though is that my company holds Friday Mimosa’s every week at 10:30am. Last week, I said I would just drink water. This week, I’ll stick to a virgin Mimosa (ie, orange juice).  But how long can I go without joining my colleagues for some alcohol? I see only two possibilities: 1) I tell them I’m an AA 2) I tell them I don’t drink at all. The second option is probably best, although the first option would probably shut them up forever. Hahaha.

Last night, we had our first company event. It was at one of my colleague’s house. A simple affair: barbecue, drinks, food, badminton in his backyard. There were cheese and crackers. Of course, the first thing that comes to my mind is: is this cheese pasteurized? Luckily I was able to look at the ingredients without anyone noticing. Later in the evening, the host decided to do a bonfire. I sneakily looked at the package that he used as a fire started and it had a scary warning:

“California Proposition 65 Warning  The burning of natural firewood, natural gas, 

manufactured fireplace logs and fire starters can result in the emissions of carbon monoxide, 

soot and other combustion by products.  The State of California recognizes that these by-products 

may cause cancer, birth defects, or reproductive harm.”

 So, everyone was sitting around the fire and I had to find somewhere else to hang out at….so I sat inside the house and watched cartoons with the kids. I probably came off as very anti-social – not good for my first company outing – but I tried to explain to people that the smoke is not good for my asthma (not entirely a lie).  Seriously, it’s becoming a challenge for me. Always looking out for things that can harm baby and having to come up with original and believable excuses….

Last weekend, my husband and I joined 3 other friends on a little trip to a nearby Washington island. It was great…but again, I had to look out for a lot of things. We all went for smoothies, but I couldn’t have any as the menu said the fruits and veggies were not pasteurized. Then, we went out to eat and I had to quietly ask the girl at the counter if the cheese was raw or pasteurized.  Everyone wanted to go on a bike ride, which is fine, I wanted it too…but after 22 miles, I was having a real hard time keeping up. I don’t know if it’s just my physical shape (which I think it’s pretty good) or the pregnancy thing, but I was slow and I felt bad for holding everyone back. At the end of our stay, we promised to help my friend clean up her cabin. The tasks were vacuuming, laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Luckily my husband did the vacuuming and I quickly volunteered for laundry. When someone ask “what about the restroom”, I had to say “someone has to do that”. I couldn’t tell them that the chemicals could harm my future child…so they probably thought I was just lazy or didn’t want to do the nastiest job (not entirely untrue either….). There was also the thought of doing a bonfire on the beach and we had to blame my asthma once again. I look forward to announcing my pregnancy and clarifying all these things!

I sometimes wonder if it was a good idea for me to start a new job at this time. I know that it’s the best thing for my career. I couldn’t let the opportunity go by. But yesterday, at the company party I was talking to one of my coworkers who has been in this company for over 2 years, and he told me he often works until 11pm and sometimes on weekends. These days, it’s a stretch for me to stay at work until 5:30pm. I reach home at around 7pm and I just collapse. At my old job, things weren’t too busy. I could walk in at around 10am and leave at 4pm. It was really the perfect set up for a pregnant woman. I also had the opportunity to work from home once a week. All those perks sound so good to me right now. The worst about my new schedule is that I have not figured out a good time to work out. I like doing that in the  morning, but I keep hitting the snooze these days and in the evenings, all I can think about is lying down. My research tells me that I’ll gain more energy in the 2^nd trimester – I hope that is the case. I guess I should consider myself lucky for not having any morning sickness yet (knock on wood). 

What worries me the most about this new job though is the maternity leave. I found out after I accepted the job that in Washington, you need to have worked for an employer for at least 12 months in order to benefit from the family and medical leave (3 months). By the time I go on maternity leave, I would have only been with the company for 7 months. I don’t know what will happen. Will they give me 3 months anyway? That would be the nice thing to do…but corporations don’t have to be nice. At my last job, I knew I could have taken 3 months and 1 of those months are paid. 

I also worry about 3 months not being enough. Coming from Canada, where most mothers take 1 year off, 3 months sounds horrible. I can’t believe the US labor laws. They really do not protect or benefit the workers at all. I spent some time reading the Labor Laws on Monday and found out that employers are not required to provide breaks either. WHAT? I mean, I know most of them do, but how come that is not part of the law?

To end on a positive note, my mother is coming to visit in less than 9 days! She’ll be here for 2 weeks and I’ll finally share the news with her. I cannot wait. Plus, she’ll be there for the first time we hear baby’s heartbeat. J

Workshop at the Hospital + Carb Attack

Last Saturday, my husband and I went to a 1-hr workshop at the hospital. We were there with another 5-6 couples. A nurse walked us through the basics of pregancy, telling us what to eat, what not to eat, all the things that can go wrong, what to expect, etc.

Since I've been reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", I knew a lot already. But, I'm not going to lie, it was scary. To think of all the things that can go wrong, all the infections that can be passed on to the baby, all the things that can cause miscarriages...it was overwhelming. It made it so real - I'm 100% responsible for the well-being of this little creature growing inside me. I've never had so much power and responsibility - ever. It's scary.

After the 1 hr workshop, I did a bunch of blood tests to check if everything is ok, if the baby and I are susceptible to some diseases, etc. That went well  and was fairly uneventful.

Right after the hospital, I went on a 22 mile bike ride with my friends. I was the slowest one. I don't know if I can blame that on pregnancy at all. :)

One thing the nurse told us during the workshop was that drinking a lot of water can prevent many of the pregnancy symptoms. I'm drinking tons of water, which might explain why I haven't had any unpleasant symptoms  yet, other than tiredness. Oh and how am tired!

I started a new job on Monday, and come 2pm, all I could think about was taking a nap. Good thing it wasn't a busy day - but I'm a little worried about when the day does become busy. I have been going home everyday and taking a 1-2 hours nap. On Saturday, I slept in until noon! That's not like me at all.

Today, July 3rd, we get off work at 2:30pm in preparation for the long weekend. At 5pm, my friend is picking me up and we're taking a little trip during the long weekend. I was so happy when I heard it was going to be a short day. The first thing that came to my mind is: I get time to nap!

I'm a little worried about this trip with my friends. We're going to be 5 people, including my husband. We're all pretty active - but I'm worried that I'll just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. We'll see how that goes.

I've started experiencing cravings, but i'm not sure if it's a craving per se, or just that I'm not eating enough....even though I have started eating more. Since about a week, I come home and can't wait to eat bread and other carbs. Yesterday after work, I couldn't wait to go home so I went to a bagel shop and was devasted when I found it closed. So, I went to Starbucks and bought a pumpkin loaf. It was delicious, but it was too small. I got home, made myself a peanut butter croissant sandwich, ate some chips and and Ritz crackers. It felt soooo good!

I haven't gained any weight yet. I read that I'm not really supposed to gain in the first trimester. I've actually lost a little (1 lb) because I've been making a conscious effort to eat healthier.

I think the pregnancy hasn't really hit us yet. I don't know when that is going to happen. Maybe when we start spreading the news? Two more weeks before my mom comes to visit us and we share the news with her! Can't wait!!!

Your First Picture

I went to get my first ultrasound yesterday. I had to come in with a full blader, that means with 3 glasses of water in me. That alone was a feat.

The nurse put a warm gel on my belly and I saw you for the first time. You look a little like a peanut right now. You're about 1 cm long. That's it, just 1 cm. I saw your heat beat, which was really cool. The nurse said your heart rate was 130bpm. That's fastest than my heart.

The next part was a little weird. She had to go through my vagina to get a clearer picture of you. I could see everything on the screen. We looked at you from all kinds of angles and the nurse took a bunch of measurements.

I thought I was at 6 weeks and 6 days, but apparently, you are 2 days older. As of today, you're 7 weeks and 2 days old.

I was mostly relieved that you're still in me. I haven't felt many symptoms other than tiredness (I know, it's a good thing). And with all the spotting, I was worried that something might be wrong. But, you're exactly the size you should be. Your heart is beating, so I'm happy.

This Saturday, your dad and I are going to a little session/workshop at the hospital where we are going to learn about this thing we got ourselves into. I have no idea what to expect, but I'm looking forward to it.

Your dad has been wondering if it's a good idea to keep this a secret from his parents and wait until they are here in August. He really wants to tell them and hear all the advice they might have for me; well, for us. We haven't decided what to do yet.

My mother will be here in about 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to sharing the news with her and showing her your picture.

Oh, well, here it is. This is you right here.

Baby at 7 weeks and 1 day. 1 cm long

Not Sharing is Hard

I've been waiting for week 7. I don't really have a reason, I just want the weeks to go by fast. It's been hard to keep the secret and I can't wait to share the news with everyone.

I went to a brunch place with friends over the weekend and had to softly ask the waiter to make sure my eggs were not runny.  I realize now that I forgot to ask what kind of cheese was in my eggs. I really hope it was pasteurized. It's been a little hard for me to remember all the things I have to watch out for now, especially since I've always eaten everything and often, without even knowing what I'm eating!

We had one of my husband's friend stay over with us for a few days. We bought him some cold cuts and he asked me how come I wasn't having any. I gotta keep coming up with lies really quickly and it's not always easy. I said that I was trying to cut fatty foods out of my diet. I think he bought it!

My friends are taking about a 100km bike ride coming up in a few months. They are really trying to convince me to join them and I keep saying "we'll see". I'll probably be 6 months pregnant by then and it's probably not a good idea for me to do a 100k bike ride, but I can't really tell them why.

Tomorrow, is the big day. I'm going to the doctor to have my first ultrasound and see if you're ok.

I'm relieved because I haven't bled (or spotted) since Sunday. It's been 3 full days! I have been taking it easy - ie no exercises...I hope things remain the same after I start working out. Also, I've started noticing some changes. This morning I noticed that my areolas are larger in circumference, which is also a sign of pregnancy! Yay! And I've had some queasiness in the morning, but it only lasts about 1 minute. I hope it stays that way and doesn't get worst!

Oh! Yesterday I watched a documentary about pregnancy and saw a woman giving birth. I could see everything. Wow, the human body (the woman body) is amazing but oh gosh! I don't know if I can do that. I look forward to having my baby in my arms but don't look forward to the delivery. That is scary! It actually freaked me out a little...I don't know if it was a good idea to watch that documentary!

Today, we got some great news. Your dad was published in a tech magazine and got accepted into a reputable startup program. This year is looking great so far! Also, I'm starting my new job on Monday. I am a little worried about having to tell my new bosses 2 months into the job that I'm pregnant, but hey, that's life right?  I just hope they have a good maternity leave because I really don't think I can take only 12 weeks off....well, we've got time.

One last thing! A few weeks ago, even before I knew I was pregnant, your paternal grandma (your appama) told me that she had a dream that I was sitting on some stairs with my husband and that a 7 year old girl came running to us. It was our daughter. My husband has been saying that he has a feeling that the baby is a girl. I don't have any clue or gut feeling yet, but these seem to be signs that the baby might be a girl and I'm ok with that! :) I don't think we'll find out the sex though before delivery, so this mystery will only be solved in February!

Week 6: Petit Poix (Green Pea)

Well, it's officially week 6. You are now the size of a pea.

I started reading "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" to learn more about this adventure we're on. I have to say that it's a little scary to read about all the things that can go wrong and all the pregnancy symptoms I might soon start feeling.

But mostly, I'm scared to lose you. I have been bleeding on and off since last Sunday (5 days now). I went into the doctor yesterday for a blood test to check if my hCG levels were where they should be. Yeah, hCG...that's a new word in my vocabulary. It stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (what a mouthful). It basically is a hormone produced by the placenta and it indicates pregnancy.

This morning, the nurse from the hospital called me and said that my levels are where they are expected to be at 6 months. My question then was: "does it definitely mean I didn't have a miscarriage?". She couldn't really answer that...but on Wednesday, I'm going for my first ultrasound to make sure everything is ok with you. I'm excited and scared. In the meantime, the nurse told me not to be active, rest and drink lots of water. She also told me to practice vaginal rest. WHAT? Well, basically, that means not using tampons, no sexual relations and no physical activity for 24 hours after the bleeding stops.

I'm not feeling many symptoms yet, other than crying often for no reason, be it while singing at church or while watching TV. But so far, I've got no morning sickness (knock on wood) and no other discomforts.

This is you at 6 weeks - as small as a pea

We haven't yet told your grandparents nor your aunt and uncle about your existence. Your maternal grandma is coming to visit un in mid-July (in about 3 weeks) and we wanted to tell her in person. She'll be the first one we tell. Then, your paternal grandparents are coming in early August and we will be telling them in person too. It's been hard to keep the secret, but I really really want to see their excitement and have them near and hug them when they hear the news. They'll be so happy. Neither set of grandparents have been grandparents before, so this is a big step for them too.

I've already got it all planned. Your dad and I plan on taking a walk with my mom and we'll ask a stranger to take a picture of us while we're breaking the news to her. We'll have her expressions and reactions and we'll be able to share that with you one day. We'll probably do the same with your paternal grandparents as well. I'm so excited!!!

Then, for the rest of our family, I was thinking of making custom fortune cookies with messages like "a new bundle of joy is arriving" or "a child will bless this family". And then just have people call us when they eat their first fortune cookie....because that is what you are: our fortune.

I'm getting emotional just typing these words. I can't wait to meet you.


You mom

Teary, Teary Eye

Wow, I am super emotional. I read about mood swings, but didn't know it would happen so quickly.

On Sunday, literally 3 days after finding out I was pregnant, I went to church. I felt I needed to thank the heavens for making this happen. During the service, a little girl was being baptized. Oh man, I started thinking about my own child's baptism and then TEARS. Later, I was just signing along with the choir and then TEARS. I knelt down to pray and TEARS. It was honestly a little embarrassing. I was trying to hide it - I looked like a mess. It makes me laugh now, but thinking back, I just couldn't hold it together.

Then, on Wednesday, like every other Wednesday, I went to my volleyball game. One again, I was the only girl there. I don't really mind that, since I think I can take the guys, no problem. But that night, they were really bugging me. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I was just easily frustrated because of the hormones or if I really had a good reason....they kept coming into my section, bumping into me, when it was clearly MY ball...and then when I told one of the guys "when i'm playing net, I'll get the ball" he said "but how will you spike" (the net is set at guy's height, which is way higher than girls' height....also, the guys that I play with are huge spikers, but not necessarily good spikers as 50% of the time the ball goes out of bounds). So I told this guy "well, I don't have to spike. I can just make sure the ball goes on the other side of the net. That's a possibility, isn't it?". I know I was being a jerk, but I hate it when they dont' let me play. I think I'm just as good as them. Of course, we all have our strengths and weaknesses but overall, I think we average to the same skill level. Anyway, after this little talk, I thought the game would be better, but it didn't. I played a whole game and I think I touched the ball maybe 5 times (not counting the times I served) because they kept coming into my space. I was soooo frustrated! So frustrated that I felt the tears coming up. I didn't want to risk being even more mad and worse: crying in front of all the other players. So after the 2nd game, I said goodnight and decided to run at the gym, in order to get my workout in.

I never got this mad at a volleyball game before. I'm actually wondering now if it was warranted. Was it hormones?